Every Saturday, I carefully record two channels of sport. If Cornish win, I settle down to watch rugby; if we lose, then it’s racing for me, and hours of it too. Hopefully, by the time I surface, I can face the world again! Luckily, I enjoy racing and none more so than a decent afternoon’s action from Prestbury Park, the home of National Hunt racing at Cheltenham. So it was that my last evening was spent berating myself for not having backed Balthazar King when I was certain he would win, which he duly did at 9-1. On the completion of the days racing, my mood had clearly not improved, so I switched across to watch Match of the Day, which surely could help me find some perspective. It did – only when I saw the discussion about the ‘Kick it Out’ campaign did it finally dawn on me that I had witnessed the worst display of kicking from hand that I can recall in my decade at the club. Somehow, we had managed to feed Effingham at the strongest part of their game, and repeatedly so in spite of the fact that the in form visitors were plenty good enough to finish on almost every occasion these gifts were bestowed upon them. Make no mistake, if their kicker had been as accurate with his place kicking as he was with his kicking from hand, a score of over 50 would not have flattered his side. Those players who hadn’t taken up the option of wearing the ‘Kick it Out’ tee shirts should have lent them to our lads – I would like to have stamped 'kick it out' in bright colours on the ball too, so they could understand what I was trying to convey to them pre match! (Incidentally, only the celebrity obsessed English football could create a worthy campaign such as ‘Kick it Out’ and then fail to back it up when one of the more abhorrent characters in international sport falls foul of it.)

In damp conditions but on a perfect surface for playing rugby, Cornish played toward to the newly christened scoreboard end in the opening period. Both sides knocked the ball on plenty in the opening exchanges, and an early warning saw the exiles concede a penalty, which was missed right by the Eagles 10. He wouldn’t have to wait long to get the ball back though, a dreadful kick on 7 minutes landing in his lap for him to flight a Garryowen just a few feet from the home try line; a man and ball tackle, the ball spills free and a gleeful visiting forward is first to respond to plant the ball over the line for a converted score. Seemingly unable to find touch, Cornish gave the E’s 10 another penalty attempt when a second poor kick actually rebounded into a Cornish player, the penalty just falling short. Not content with the warnings in the game thus far, on 15 minutes yet another poor kick failed to find touch, and this one was simply watched by the home sides supposed kick chase, quick hands all it took for the ball to be recycled all the way long their line for E’s to canter over just to the left of the posts for another converted score. The visitors had barely broken sweat but were already 14-0 up. Now the home side began to cough up penalties to add to their problems, and on 18 one was slotted to extend the lead to 17. Finally, with around 20 gone Cornish provided some attacking intent, driving E’s off their own ball in the tight, winning a penalty, which was kicked to the 22 by Graeme Smeaton, and then another when lock Ben Ievers was pulled down in mid air. When this too was pulled down, Cornish elected for a scrum v, which they carefully drove to the line whereupon the E’s 9 simply dived into the scrum to stop no 8 Simon Brading from scoring the try. The referee deemed this a penalty but not a penalty try. The scrum was reset, and to the home supporters horror, the scrum moved forward so quickly the ball shot out the back, was pounced on by an alert visiting player, and cleared a phase later. Cornish made an early change, rolling off Tom Stock and bringing on Tim Oakes to increase the ball carrying fraternity. However,frustration was creeping in to many aspects of the exiles play, and when a late tackle took out Smeaton as he kicked, a reaction from another Cornish player saw the penalty reversed. With the referee now firmly finding fault with the exiles at every turn, a penalty was conceded for backchat on 33 minutes but this relatively easy kick was missed. The E’s 10 knew he wouldn’t have to wait long for another chance, and sure enough 4 minutes later another kickable effort went begging following a holding offence. Cornish withdrew Phil Francis at this point, moving Nick Harlock to the wing and bringing Tom Dorse into full back. This tactic nearly bore quick dividends, when Dorse joined the line to send the in form Robin Heymann away wide left only for the play to be called back for a forward pass. The half time whistle could not come soon enough for the home side, and when it did they were 0-17 down.

Cornish started the second period well, prop Mike Bond supporting a half break by Nick Stanley but finding his offload knocked away by a retreating Eagles back. The visitors were very adept at knocking away offloads thoughout the match, a totally legal means of breaking up attacks when they get in behind their first line defence. With the visiting 10 angling a series of kicks in behind the exiles, the home pack were repeatedly asked questions at their set pieces, and by and large came through, the work in the tight the one area that Cornish dominated throughout. On 44 minutes as Cornish tried to run the ball out of defence, they simply fed the drift defence and when they knocked the ball on, the E’s 10 simply sat back in the pocket and lifted a drop goal between the posts to extend his sides lead. Hooker Will Carew-Gibbs had taken a knock in this action and was replaced by Oli Low, Skipper Dave Theobald moving to hooker. Within a minute, as Cornish won a lineout and set a rolling maul, the E’s hooker made no attempt to roll away and was rucked out of the way by the onrushing Cornish pack. The referee didn’t like what he saw and consigned one exile to the bin. On 47 minutes Cornish finally linked a few phases of play together, Luke Spells smashing through a gap after Oakes has spun out of a tackle, E’s pinged for not rolling away smack bang in front of their posts, Spells putting his sides first points on the board. On 52 E’s won a penalty, kicked to the corner and set their own maul, which was successful with the hosts a man down, the try a rare one for Cornish to concede in this fashion, though not converted. To compound the felony, a home player gave the referee more grief, resulting in a penalty restart for the visitors. They kicked to the corner, worked one way then back again the other, and their 10 simply plopped a ball at an angle over the try line for the right wing to find no one home for the try, again not converted but the visitors not sure whether to laugh or cry so complicit were the hosts in their own undoing. On 58 minutes, and now 3-30 down, Brading linked with Osei-Tutu up the middle before the ball was worked blind to Heymann, him demonstrating just what a decent finisher he is if given a half a yard, sprinting outside his man and twice stepping defenders to clear away and score by the posts for Spells to convert. Brading was injured in this play, a stray stud actually cutting his leg down to the bone, a real blow to the exiles at this point of the season, Stock returning in his place and Oakes moving to 8. Just to further dampen any prospects of a comeback, the Eagles 10 dropped another goal with the very next attack to extend the lead to 23 points. Osei-Tutu was one of a very few players to keep up the workrate, and on 68 minutes he produced a typically barnstorming run only to see a penalty conceded for holding as the home penalty count in the second period hit stratospheric proportions. Worse was to follow for Cornish, and arguably the worst try to concede of the lot, dreadful tackling allowing the E’s left wing the chance to pirouette infield from some distance out for a converted try, which brought up the 40 for the visitors. With time running out, Osei-Tutu gained some scant consolation for his performance, smashing through a tackle for a try wide left, the conversion flying across the face of the posts and the final whistle thankfully ending things shortly after.

Effingham & Leatherhead have been in this division since 2003/4, the joint longest tenants along with Tottonians. They move up to 4th with this win, and tell me they have been waiting some time for this day so good luck to them and enjoy it fellas. We will see you again post Xmas when I hope we can provide stiffer opposition than we did on this day.

When a side misses just two tackles and gets things as tactically spot on as Cornish did at then unbeaten Reigatians in the previous round of league matches, it would be fair to assume that a standard had been set, a blueprint for winning games. Where this performance came from is anybody’s guess, and as well as Effingham played (and they did play exceptionally well), they would have to concede that they have rarely found London Cornish so complicit in their own defeat, the failure to kick from hand with any form of accuracy, the appalling kick chase, the admission that some players had worn moulded studs on a slippery surface following a full day of rain on the Friday, allied with the sort of indiscipline that will cost some of the home players their places for the foreseeable future, all contributing to a shocker. Though Cornish are not able to begin training on their training ground until mid November, there will need to be some hard yards in training elsewhere to ensure this kind of performance is not repeated again – given the choice, I prefer to watch rugby on my Saturday nights.